Radvent Day 22: Laughing

Think of someone who made you laugh when you really needed it and write a letter thanking them.

Well, I might have to think about this one and come back to it :)

Radvent Day 21: Surprising

Give your next door neighbour a surprise today.

Well on Tuesday I did wave at my next door neighbour, and I'm sure it surprised her as she probably didn't know I was back in town, lol :)

Radvent Day 20: Charming

Today make someone feel like the only person in the room.

Well I have no idea if I did this on Monday or not, lol. Probably not, I always try to be kind, but I don't know if I've ever been charming...

Radvent Day 19: Sharing

Share your favorite Radvent prompt with a friend and talk about your responses together.

I would love to, except my friends that are doing Radvent are rarely online at the same time as me... and I don't live near any of them.

I really don't know what my favourite prompt has been. I think the reading one was great, because I really do love to read :)

Radvent Day 18: Listening

Yeah, I'm super behind. I went home on Sunday morning and I haven't had wireless internet at home until my sister came home last night so I haven't had a chance to update.

Time to make up for it :)

Listen to your inner child.

What does he/she want to do today?

My inner child has kind of had her way already today. I've sat around watching TV, I've played Super Mario Brothers Wii with my mom and my sister and I think we might be going shopping later. That's about all that I want to do today, haha.

Radvent Day 17: Entertaining

Write out some ideas for a party that you will host in the next four weeks

★ Who will you invite? ★ What will you do? ★ Where will it be? ★ What will you serve? ★ How will you decorate? ★

This is kind of funny cuz I'm actually planning on having a party with my friends and roommates and roommates friends once we all get back from Christmas holidays. Also, Rachel and my birthday is on January 15th, which is exactly 4 weeks from now, so either one of those parties could apply to this.

The questions are super easy. I will invite my friends and my roommates friends. We will hang out, drink, maybe watch a movie or play games. It will be at my house, cuz our house is awesome for parties cuz of the huge living room. I will serve awesome things like my homemade cookies, some appetizers and things like chips. I probably won't decorate, cuz I'm lame, unless it's for our joint birthday party in which case it will be decorated with balloons and streamers and the like :)

So if you're reading this and you live in or around Edmonton, you're probably invited, so keep the first couple weeks of January open for my party ;)

Radvent Day 16: Giving

What is the most surprising gift you’ve ever gotten?

Wow, y'know I don't know if I even have an answer to this. I know when I was younger, we got a Nintendo system for Christmas one year, and I look pretty dang surprised and happy in the picture, haha. I've received a lot of great gifts over the years, but I think most of the time I know what I'm getting which kind of ruins the surprise, lol. The gifts that I got yesterday are pretty surprising and awesome though. I really love them :)

What have you been holding back that you could give more of?

This is a hard one for me. I can't give money, cuz I don't have any. I suppose I could give time, but between work and school, any time off I have I kind of just want to spend relaxing. Oooh, I know. I can give more hugs :D I love giving and getting hugs, so maybe that's something I can give more of, haha.

Yeah, today's blog sucks... sorry, lol

Radvent Day 15: Receiving

List some things you received today. Did you consciously accept these gifts?

How fitting, since my roommates and I exchanged Christmas gifts tonight, lol! And yes, I definitely consciously accepted these gifts :D

I got a Princess Peach keychain and bag of mini Reese Peanut Butter Cups from Erin, and I got a set of Mr. Sketch markers from Lianne, and I got an awesome Neuron and Dutch Blitz game from Rachel :D

Radvent Day 14: Reading

Did you like to read as a child? Do you read more or less now?

Oh man, this is such an easy question, haha! I LOVED reading as a child. I was always reading books, usually way above my grade level. I don't know if you could find me without a book when I was younger. I loved The Boxcar Children books, as well as The Saddle Club (I always wanted a horse of my own). I also liked Madeleine L'Engle books (I now own and have read The Wrinkle In Time series multiple times). In grade 7, our teacher read The Hobbit to us in class and I loved it. I tried to read The Lord of the Rings trilogy after that, but I just couldn't get through it. Now I own the trilogy as well as The Hobbit and have made it through them multiple times as well.

I've read a lot of Christian fiction from my church library. I was known to always take at least two books out almost weekly and return them by the next week, even up until I left for college 4 years ago. I remember winning a prize when my church library had a reading contest during the summer while I was in elementary school. We had to write down how many pages we read each day for a month or two during summer holidays and the people with the most pages would win a prize. I don't remember what place I got, I think second or third, but I was super proud of myself for it.

These days, I still read quite a lot. And not just textbooks either. Recently I've been making my way through some classics by Jane Austen, Emily Bronte and the like. In the past year, I've read Persuasion, Jane Eyre, Northanger Abbey, Wuthering Heights, Emma, I've attempted Great Expectations (about half way through it) and I have Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park on my shelf waiting to be read. I've read many more books this year than just those, but that's kind of the kick I'm going through right now. I've also read (and own) the Twilight books, as well as Harry Potter (haven't read those in a while though, I should re-read them again soon), as well as two trilogies that I bought this year, one by Philippa Gregory about 18th Century England and one by Anne Easter Smith that happens in the 13th and 14th centuries in England and Burgundy. I've re-read The Chronicles of Narnia this year as well as a bunch of Ted Dekker books. I've read The Notebook (again), My Sister's Keeper (again), The Lovely Bones (again), Nineteen Eighty Four (again), The Hobbit (again), The Wrinkle in Time series(again), Gathering Blue (first time, but I love The Giver), The Little Prince (first time), The Iron Man by Ted Hughes (not the comic about the superhero, but a book about an actual man made of iron) and countless other books this year.

I don't know if I would say that I read more or less now. Probably about the same, although I do sit up a lot later reading now than I used to. I usually read in my bed right before I go to sleep, though Friday night I spent reading Emma on the couch with LiLi reading another book on the other couch. My bookshelf is so full I have books piled on top of books. Although part of that is textbooks, there are a lot of those as well. I've greatly increased my book collection this year with all the new books I've bought, but some of them I've got some good deals on, like Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park. They were only $5 each. And Emma was only $2, so I figure why not :) I would love to work in a bookstore like Chapters or Coles or something as a part time job. Then I could get even better discounts on books, haha.

The second part of today's prompt is:

Make a place to read in your home. A place that welcomes calm and reflection and invites you to transport your mind.

This is a little difficult for me, since I share a house with a few other girls. And soon I'll be sharing my bedroom as well. As I said before, I spend a lot of time reading in my bed and it's really comfortable (I can lie down whenever I want) so there's really no need to make a place in my room to read. If I had a big comfy chair, I would definitely use that, but the real estate in my bedroom is soon going to be taken up with another bed and a chest of drawers and possibly another desk, so I don't really have room for it now, haha. I'm happy enough on my bed though, I have my night table right next to it which has a nice lamp that I like to read by as well as a shelf on the bottom where I can put the current books that I'm reading. Plus it also has my iPod alarm clock/speakers and I love listening to music while I read, so that's really convenient.

So to sum up: I've always loved reading, I love reading still and I read in my bed.

Christmas list

Because I keep thinking of things that I want and then forgetting them:

~New Super Mario Bros. Wii game

~another gift card to Eveline Charles Academy ($100 for only $50 right now!)

~Starbucks gift card

~Superstore gift card

~money in general

~Starbucks travel mug

~Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

~Chapters gift card

~Donkey Kong Country Returns Wii game

~new earrings for my rook piercings

Radvent Day 13: Beginning

Have you ever just quit something… without regret?

I don't actually know if I've ever quit anything without regret. I suppose I quit gym in high school and didn't regret it, lol. I regret quitting NaNo this year, but it just wasn't possible. I regret quitting piano lessons, cuz I do enjoy playing, even though I don't enjoy practicing.

Oh wait, I know! I quit my job at the tv station 4 and a half years ago and I don't regret that. I only enjoyed that job for the first 6 months and hated it for the next 3 years, and because I quit it, I am now at school reaching towards my dream career, so I definitely do NOT regret quitting that job :)

Radvent Day 12: Procrastinating

What are you putting off? What bad things would happen if you stopped making excuses and tackled something today?
(Would you do it wrong? Would you fail to meet expectations? Would you have to do it even better next time?)

Well, considering it's almost midnight, I've definitely procrastinated this post all day, even though I read the prompt this morning. Not really for any specific reason, just cuz I didn't feel like writing about it earlier.

Today I have procrastinated studying all day. I have a final tomorrow, and while I'm not nearly as worried about it as I was for my Friday final, I still should have spent today studying. What did I do instead? Cooked dinner, watched tv, spent countless useless hours on the internet, hung up a bulletin board on my door. Pretty much anything other than study, which means I will now be spending the next few hours cramming instead of sleeping like I should. Nothing bad would happen at all if I were to have actually studied today, in fact, very good things would have happened. I would have been bored, but I would probably do better on my final tomorrow than I will now.

Schoolwork is definitely something that I am a pro at procrastinating on doing. I don't really know why, because I end up stressing myself out over it, and I usually have at least some time to work on it much earlier than the weekend before it's due, but I still don't do it. I know that I could do such better work if I would just put the effort into it that I need to. I think about doing it, but I can always find something else to do. Which is why next semester I've decided that I am going to spend one hour a day doing homework or reading over my notes. Kind of silly to only start this in my final semester of my degree, but I'm still going to at least try to do it. I'm going to schedule a time everyday where all I do is schoolwork. I actually decided this a few days ago, before this prompt came up, but maybe posting this publicly will help force me to actually do it.

Exam Week and Procrastination (for a good cause?)

I know I've posted a billion updates today already but I just need to comment on what exam week does to me.

I spend most of the semester with my room looking like a complete disaster struck it. Clothes are all over the place, on top of the dresser, hanging off my chair, sitting on my desk (not on the floor cuz otherwise it gets covered in dog hair). Books, papers and garbage are everywhere, including my night table which is piled up to within an inch of collapsing and the floor where I keep kicking them out of my way to make a path to the bed and the bathroom. Dog hair collects in the corners of the room. My bathroom has makeup and toothpaste all over the counter and the floor hasn't been washed or swept in weeks. My purse and school bag are on the floor or the dresser or hanging somewhere off the dresser almost on the floor.

However, once exam week hits, it's suddenly extremely important to me to have my room clean and organized. This year it's partly because Rachel will be moving into my room for about a month starting near the end of December, so I want to make sure my room is clean and organized before then, but I also find it easier to study if I don't have to worry about clearing off a place to work. Also, it's a really good way to procrastinate studying. Right now, my desk is clear except for the papers I was studying off of yesterday, my bed is made, my clothes are all put away or in the hamper, I cleaned my bathroom, washed off all the toothpaste, put the makeup in the drawer and swept and mopped the floor. My dresser still has a few things on it that I need to clear off, and my closet needs to be cleaned and organized, but for the most part, I walk into my room and it's wonderful.

It's funny how much better walking into a clean and organized room feels than walking into a crazy mess. I always spend the first week or two after I've cleaned my room making sure that I put everything away where it belongs and keep it clean, but soon after it just dissolves into a chaotic mess again. But lately every time I walk into my room and see how nice it looks, it just automatically makes me feel less stressed and a bit happier about my room. I love my room (especially my awesome bed) as it is, but for some reason when it's clean, it just feels better. I also have more time now that I'm not in class everyday, so that helps with keeping it cleaner, as I can take a bit of extra time to put things away properly and make the bed when I get up.

I'm sure by the second week of January it'll be a disaster again, but for now, its clean and organized :)

Radvent Day 11: Dreaming

Finally, a post that's actually on the day it's supposed to be! Today's prompt:

What is your personal dream? What would happen if your dream came true?

I'm pretty sure that anyone that knows me knows that my dream is to become a teacher. Right now, I'm 5 semesters away from it and that feels pretty good, but also pretty scary. I have to finish this degree first, and I need to be admitted into the Education Program before I can really start celebrating. I would be very happy if this personal dream would come true. Ideally, I would be back at Abby Christian teaching Biology, as well as Chemistry and/or History. That's my very far off dream, I'm not foolish enough to think that it will happen right away. Unless I can convince Mr. Bakker to retire in 2013, lol. But I still hope to be able to head back to the Fraser Valley once I'm done and teach somewhere in that area.

It's kind of funny how when I was younger I felt I was stuck in Abbotsford and I couldn't wait to get out of that city, but now that I've been away, my heart longs for it all the time. I guess there really is no place like home :) It's just such a beautiful place, and I miss it all the time. Especially when I'm buried under 3 feet of snow and it's -40C outside here in Edmonton... lol. I miss the mountains, I miss the beautiful prairies, I miss the rain, I miss how green it is all year long. I can't wait to be back there for a couple weeks for Christmas. Only 8 days til I get to be home for a short while :) I can't wait.

Radvent Day 10: Loving

Yesterday's prompt:

You are loved immensely. You are wrapped up in a big fluffy blanket of love everywhere you go because you deserve it! Make up your own self-affirmations today.

Well, this week that's definitely something I have to remember. It's finals week here at school and sometimes I despair of ever being done school. I know I only have one semester left in this degree, but then of course I have two more years away from my family still. It's really hard for me, especially with the struggles I've been through this past year to be away from my family. I'm really thankful that one of my sisters lives in Edmonton now, cuz I finally have some family out here.

Anyways, some self-affirmations:

- I'm a good leader

- I will make a great teacher someday [in 2.5 years]

- I have great hair :D

- I love a lot of people and they love me back

- I am loved by a wonderful God and Saviour

- I am kind

- I'm an amazing baker

- I'm a pretty good seamstress

Radvent Day 9: Inspiring

So today's (Thursday's... oops) prompt is:

Ask someone you love to show you what inspires them. It’s a great exercise in seeing the world through someone else’s perspective.

Ask someone you love what you have done to inspire them.

Be proud of yourself and marvel at how your own little sphere of influence is ever-expanding, completely out of your control.

So I asked my mom and I'm waiting for her response :) Update later hopefully.

**Update**

So my mom is amazing and wrote a bit about what inspires her and what I've done to inspire her:

"What inspires me? Wow, there are so many things! God...Father, Son and Holy Spirit most of all, God's Word, the scriptural affirmations that I confess daily, my relationship and trust in God, my unity with fellow believers, I thank God for my pastors Jodie and Cory Dueck, and their ministries, especially Hearts Restored. It made such a difference in my life, it was an epiphany of sorts for me 6 years ago! I love being a leader there now and my prayer group on Tuesday nights inspires me too! Being a happy intercessor, also coffee break and care group at Gateway. My friends like Sandy, Susan, Margrete, Monique and Peter Dahl are all inspirations to me too!

I have learned so many paradigm shifts in the last few years... Walk in Love (agape) even when I don't feel like it, Bless those that curse you, Speaking life, not death to change my circumstances, choosing not to be offended,walk by faith not by sight, and one of the most important...calling those things that are not as though they are Rom. 4:17, and last by not least.. forgiveness is a choice, not just a feeling, if we forgive then the feelings will come. These have made me who I am today! My faith is a journey, God is the author and finisher of my faith!"

"There is so much that inspires me about you! Your strength and determination most of all. Your faith that things will turn around, even when circumstances are not good. Living to see your dream of being a teacher come true, inspires me too! You keep going (like the energizer bunny), lol;) Nothing can keep you down for long! I hurt when you hurt, we are alike in how sensitive we are, I have learned that God esteem not self esteem helps me in how I perceive these kinds of things."

Have I mentioned that my mom rocks? And yes, I teared up while reading it...

Radvent Day 8: Creating

Yes, I'm super behind on these, but I'm hoping to get caught up today :)

Choose an object to symbolize your creativity and put it in a place you can see it every day.

Have you ever astonished yourself by what you created? What did you learn from it?

This one is an interesting one for me. I'm not at home so I can't choose an object, but I don't really think I have any that I could really choose from. I'm not an artist, so I don't have any drawings or paintings. I'm a writer, but I can't really print out a book and display it. I suppose I could print out a poem or a short story, but most of my poems are dark and depressing and my short stories are still at least two pages long. I make cards sometimes, but I give those all away. I sew a lot, but mostly clothing, so I don't really have anything that I can display... maybe when I get home, I will do something creative so I have something to display, haha.

I think the thing that astonished me most was my novel. While yes, it is a beast and needs a LOT of editing still (over a year later, oops) it was a great experience and I'm super proud of myself for doing it. I'm semi-upset at myself for not finishing NaNo this year as well, but considering everything I had going on in November, I'm lucky I survived it in general, without the added stress of NaNo. I learned that I can actually finish a story, which I never really thought I would do before. I can write a short story like nobody's business, but once it comes to longer stories, I seem to keep writing them into oblivion without an actual end in sight. For this story, I made sure I had an ending, otherwise I'm sure this one would have just kept going as well, which is good for the word count, but not so good for the story itself. I do actually have a printed out copy of my novel for editing purposes, but it's not really something that I can display. We'll see what I come up with when I get home and have a nap...

I did it...

I finally did the last thing that I needed to do in order to gain as much closure as I'm able to get, and now, I am currently listening, dancing and singing to For When I'm Happy Again :D

Back to studying...

Radvent Day 7: Playing

So today's prompt is:

What were your favorite games as a child? What did you like to do with your classmates or the neighborhood kids? How did that affect the person you grew to become?

I liked doing a lot of different things when I was a child. I liked playing hide and seek, I liked playing with my toys with my sisters (when we weren't fighting over the toys or having to clean up the toy room). I also liked reading and I had a pretty good imagination. Depending on where we were living, I did different things with the neighbour kids. When we lived on Green, I liked to ride my bike, and go over to my friend's house and play Super Nintendo. When we lived in Mission, we played hide and seek in the neighbourhood or climbed trees.

I think this partly affected the person I became because it made me love the outdoors. I'm not one of those outdoorsy people who goes around camping and hiking and skiing and fishing and everything all the time, but I love to walk through a silent forest with my iPod playing in my ear. I love watching the mountains go by as I'm driving between Edmonton and home. I love looking at and smelling flowers. I love watching the squirrels run around my back yard. I love being a biologist and being allowed and sometimes required to do these things.

I was a loner a lot when I was younger, so I read a lot. It also caused me to be able to entertain myself, which I think also contributes to who I am today. I enjoy sitting in bed or on the couch reading a book. Last night, I spent hours on the couch reading Emma by Jane Austen, and I loved it. I think it says something in today's world when so many people don't enjoy reading a good book. We feel the need to be stimulated all the time by our computers or games or television. I listened to music and read a book on a Friday night, and I loved it.

Radvent Day 6: Adventuring

Abandon your to-do list and go somewhere else. Somewhere new. Somewhere you have wanted to explore. Bring a camera and take a picture to celebrate the moment when you abandoned anxiety and insecurity, embraced imagination and opportunity, and let life unfold.

Not going to lie, this is going to be very difficult as today is my last day of classes and I need to finish some papers by tomorrow and I have a sick degu who is going to the vet later today, so I really hope that I can do this, but today is like the worst day for me to do this, lol. I guess that's probably the point though... I'll return later and post about what I did :)

All right, so we did it. Lianne and I drove to Saskatchewan and back tonight. Neither of us had been, and since I had to have a random adventure somewhere where I've never been, this seemed like the perfect time to head to Lloydminster. We left our house around 7:30pm, and stopped off at McDonalds first of course. After picking up some food, we headed to the Yellowhead Highway and our eastward adventure.

We made a pit stop in Vegreville, and then pulled into the Alberta side of Lloydminster around 10pm. See, Lloydminster is a special city because half of it is in Alberta and half of it is in Saskatchewan. We drove around a bit on both the Saskatchewan side and the Alberta side to see if they had any 24 hour diners, which unfortunately they didn't. BTW, Lloydminster should work on getting a Denny's.

After driving around a bit, and going to the WalMart for another pit stop, we found the City Hall and their really tall provincial border markers.

They are pretty tall.

It was freezing outside, so we quickly took these pictures, then jumped in the car for our 2.5 hour drive home. I sang and car danced a bit on the way home while Lianne drove. I've had a total of about 3 hours of sleep in the past day and a half, so I'm going to go pass out now.

A little note...

So this is just a little reflection on Radvent so far.

I realize that this whole Radvent thing is supposed to make me feel better by reflecting on happy times, but as you can tell by my posts, I've had kind of a rough year. Even 5 years ago, I was having a rough time, lol. Sometimes it feels like my entire life since I graduated high school has been just one big rough time. I'm sorry if I've been a bit of a downer in these posts. I hope to have some happier blogs come up. I hope I get the chance to tell you the good things that have happened in my life as well, not just the crappy things that have happened. We'll just have to wait and see :)

I realize especially my last post was pretty heavy, and I'm sorry for that. Music means a lot to me, and I have a song for almost every emotion that I could possibly feel, which is why it was easy for me to find songs that fit this past year. Actually, I referenced a couple of playlists that I have created this year while creating the list, most notably one called Yup which I created right after K and I broke up which was full of 62 my depressed songs, as well as a playlist entitled Manic/Depressive which I made when I was feeling a bit better, but still upset about the break up, which contains 44 songs. I'm actually listening to Manic/Depressive right now, since the post I wrote a little while ago kind of made me want to listen to it. It contains depressing songs, but also some happier songs, as I was feeling a mix of things when I created it. I was still depressed, but I was also feeling a bit better, and so that playlist reflects that. Don't worry, I do also have a playlist entitled For When I'm Happy Again which I hope to feel well enough to listen to soon, and it contains 66 songs, so it beats both my depressed and semi-depressed playlist, lol. There's really just one more thing I feel I need to do in order to be able to listen to that playlist, and I'm not really afraid to do it, I just haven't found a good time to do it yet. Hopefully within the next few days I'll find a good time to deal with that, and then on to For When I'm Happy Again :)

Anyways, I just wanted to comment and say that I realize my posts have been kind of heavy, and I'm sorry for that. I'll try to keep it happier from now on and if I feel the need to write about how crappy I'm feeling, I'll keep it to my other blog.

I love you all :)

~Christine

Radvent Day 5: Rocking Out

Write down the soundtrack of your year so far. Play it for someone who loves you.

This one is going to be so much fun, but I have to come back to it in a bit, cuz I really do need to do some homework first.

All right, so I've been thinking about this throughout the day, and I've come up with a list of songs that represent my last year.

January-April:

Bother - Stone Sour http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-pXD0FXLQ8

This is my generic depressed song. Whenever I'm upset or depressed or anything, I listen to this song. It doesn't make me feel better, but I still love it.

Break - Newsboys http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0onmklwhhM

Another one of my depressed songs. This one just seems to describe how I feel sometimes.

Hold On - Calls From Home http://www.myspace.com/callsfromhome/music/songs/hold-on-26638887

I couldn't find a youtube version, so you get a myspace version instead. This song is one that I hold on to when I'm depressed. It encourages me to keep on keeping on because eventually it's going to get better.

It's Been Awhile - Staind http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=araU0fZj6oQ

Again, another depressed song... In case you haven't noticed, I really wasn't doing too well last year from about January to the end of April... hence all the depressing songs, lol. We're almost through them, I think...

Broken - Seether & Amy Lee http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoUOrLe4vlY

Mad World - Gary Jules http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jTZHSQG1YFs&feature=fvst

Okay, I think we're at the end of this depressing set. Let's move on to happier times.

May

Use Somebody - Kings of Leon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnhXHvRoUd0

This was finally the end of the semester from hell. School was over and though I wasn't going home for the summer, I was looking forward to sleeping late and working and not having to worry about school.

Fly - Hilary Duff http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2EQMVTTW1Sk

This song always makes me feel like something better is just around the corner, and while I might not have known exactly what that was in May, it was :)

June-September:

Let Love In - Goo Goo Dolls

I can't find this one on youtube, not because it's not there, but because I still can't listen to this song without crying. So if you wanna hear it, you're gonna have to find it yourself. This was the song K picked as our song, and we spent the summer texting each other every time we heard it.

Teenage Dream - Katy Perry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98WtmW-lfeE

While I don't agree with all of the lyrics ("Lets go all the way tonight"? no thanks), this is how I felt for pretty much the entire summer and it was great. I think this was the best summer I've ever spent for the most part :)

Kings and Queens - 30 Seconds to Mars http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhUya3D73sI

Well, I had to throw Jared Leto in here, cuz we all know I love him. I love the video for this song, but it's so long, so I just linked to the song instead. This song makes me happy. "We were the kings and queens of promise".

Beside You - Marianas Trench

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJ0z1LH6RJc

I also had to throw some Marianas Trench in here, cuz I also love Josh Ramsay, lol. I love this song because it makes me feel like when I find that special someone, he will always be here for me, no matter what. It's also how I felt about K at the time.

Good To You - Marianas Trench feat. Jessica Lee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEYdyPc8Mjo

So this video and version of the song didn't come out until a couple months ago, but I've had the album for a while, so this song is another one that was a soundtrack to my summer. Plus Josh Ramsay looks amazing with eyeliner :D

September-October/November:

This Is How A Heart Breaks - Rob Thomas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B_lci2lJTY

Yeah, so this is how I felt right after K broke up with me

Alive Again - Marianas Trench http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgBf6d_8hwA

I dunno why, but Marianas Trench just always seems to strike a chord with me, no matter how I'm feeling. They have a song for everything.

I Miss You - blink 182

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1tAYmMjLdY

Most of these songs kind of say it all, eh?

I Don't Love You - My Chemical Romance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SO9Lj0T93Xk

This is how it felt when he left me. Also, I heart Gerard Way

Everything You Want - Vertical Horizon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RHczpn-Jno

I think this song applies to most of my break ups, but that's just cuz I think I'm an awesome girlfriend and I don't understand how someone could not want to be with me ;)

Breakeven - The Script

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yZ1uI5yPbY

Yup, this is how I felt as well.

November:

Hit Me Up - Danny Fernandes feat Josh Ramsay & Belly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zM7SXYhqNXM

Okay, so I really don't care about Danny or Belly, but I LOVE Josh's vocals in this song :) This is the song that I listened to for hours during the NaNoWriMo overnighter :)

Ain't No Sunshine - Finger Eleven http://www.whosampled.com/cover/view/33086/Finger%20Eleven-Ain't%20No%20Sunshine_Bill%20Withers-Ain't%20No%20Sunshine/

So for this one I couldn't find it on youtube, so you get a weird link again. Just click on the link on the left underneath where it says Finger Eleven Ain't No Sunshine. I love Finger Eleven, and I love this song. Though I definitely like Finger Eleven's version better than the original.

December:

Airplanes - B.O.B. feat Hayley Williams

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn6-c223DUU

I love this song too.

Comin' Home - City and Colour http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btjhdHX8pMo

Because I'm going home in two weeks :D

Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bbTtPL1jRs

Because "I am not afraid to keep on living, I am not afraid to walk this world alone".

One Thing - Finger Eleven

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9j3euTgBfE

Because it's one of my all time favourite songs and has been for a long time.

Wow that took a LOT longer than I thought it was going to! Also, I've been a lot more honest about stuff than I have been with most people. I feel a little naked... lol

**Edited to add**

Alibis - Marianas Trench

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=selQ0CFejCw

I was just reminded of this song, and how much it reminds me of myself. I always feel like I have to put on a happy face for everyone in my life so no one knows how much I'm hurting behind the mask. I think if I had to choose a song that represents my entire life, not just the past year, it would be this song.

Radvent Day 4: Forgiveness

It’s hard to come out of a place of resentment, and it takes practice (just like everything). Practice forgiving about small, everyday things. You can always non-forgive later. Who and what are you ready to let go of resentment toward?

This is something that is really hard for me to do. I say I forgive people, but inside, I don't always feel it. Especially when I'm having a bad day, it's so much harder to forgive people and it's not easy for me to just give up that resentment, when I'm already feeling grumpy and upset.

Honestly, I really feel like I need to forgive myself for not doing as well in school as I wanted to last year. It was a very stressful time, and I had a bit of a mental breakdown during the Winter semester, and my grades suffered greatly because of that. However, while it was mostly my fault, I did the best I could with a crappy situation. I made it through without doing anything drastic to myself and I didn't completely give up on school and run home like I desperately wanted to do. I'm amazed at the strength that I had during that time.

That sounds really egotistical and like I'm trying to make myself look better, but honestly there were many days when I just wanted to give up on everything, sometimes even life in general, but I didn't.

Anyways, this is more about forgiveness of other people I guess. So um, I will try to let go of the resentment that I have towards the people that keep parking in my spot at home. I know it's silly, but after a long day, I just want to come home and park in my own parking spot instead of on the other side of the dead car in the driveway. It feels like almost every time I've come home in the past few days, there has been another car parked in my spot, and that pisses me off. So I'm going to try to be okay with not parking in my spot if there's someone else there.

I forgive the hairdressing instructor who gave the wrong instructions to the poor girl that was doing my hair yesterday. I felt awful for the girl, but it really wasn't her fault. It was the instructor who just wanted to cut a corner because she thought it would work and be faster. So I forgive her for giving the wrong instructions. My hair still turned out much better than it was originally, so all's well that ends well.

Radvent Day 3: Writing

So today's prompt is:

Write a letter of love to yourself to read in one year.

Dear Christine,

Hopefully as you're reading this, you're getting ready for the end of your first semester in the Education program. If you are, then know that I am so proud of you for achieving this thing that you have wanted for so long. If you're not, I hope that you are still happy in whatever you are doing. I know that 2010 was a hard year for you in many respects, but you survived it, and you're a stronger person for it. I hope that you are not working nearly as hard as you have had to for the past two years so you can focus more on your studies, because I know how important becoming a teacher is to you. Congrats on graduating in April, I know sometimes it felt like it would never come, but you put a lot of hard work into your degree, and some not so hard work, and you made it through. I know you probably still feel really sick of school, and wish that you could have taken a year off, but you only have a year and a half left and then you'll be done and you'll be teaching :) You know your family is so proud of you as well. Always remember that you are beautiful even when you don't feel like it, which is probably still pretty often. Remember that your family loves you very much. See you in a year!

~Christine

Radvent Day 2: Organizing

Focus on one drawer, table, or surface today and spend 15 minutes making it pretty! (And take a pretty picture afterward to motivate yourself!)

Okay, so I should be doing some homework right now, but I decided for this to clean off my dresser. Here's what it looked like before:

It's basically just a dumping ground for papers and clothes. I put my jacket on top when I get home instead of hanging it up in the closet. Also, any mail that I get and open up right away ends up going on top of the dresser, as well as important papers that I don't want to lose. The drawers on the left hold a bunch of random things like my nail polish and some sewing stuff as I don't have a sewing box. I also have my hair dryer and straightener on the right side, along with a bunch of hair stuff like elastics and bobby pins in the white basket on the side.

It took me a bit longer than 15 minutes, which I didn't expect. I turned on my Dance, Dance playlist and went for it. I hung up all the clothes, or put them in the hamper, and put all the paperwork either in the garbage if it was junk or in my important papers drawer if I needed to keep them.

And here's what it looks like now (ignore the rest of the mess in the room, lol):

I framed a picture that one of my roommates drew for me. I also stood up my Advent Calendar (which still hasn't been touched yet), and organized everything else to where it needs to be. And now my dresser is organized :) There are a bunch of other places that really need to have the same thing done, but I can only do so much :)

Radvent Day 1: Remembering

Okay, so technically today is day 2, but I'm starting from the beginning and I'm going to do day 1 and 2 today. I don't have much time right now to remember, but I do have time organize, so I'm going to go do that, then come back and do the blog for day 1 and day 2. For now, I'm just going to put down the writing prompt for day 1 and be back later to update :) (here's the link to the site where the idea comes from: http://princesslasertron.com/tag/radvent/)

What were you doing five years ago today? As the holiday season began? Where were you? Who were you with? What did you want? What did you have?

All right, so I have time now that I'm at work and bored. So I wasn't sure what I had done 5 years ago, so I actually went back to all my myspace blogs to check it out. See, I dated The Marine for a few years, and those years tend to all blend together as nothing really changed in my life in general, as I had the same job for the whole time that we were dating, and I also had pretty much the same friends the whole time. 5 years ago today, I was planning on going to his house in Indiana for Christmas, my first and only Christmas that I have spent away from my family. I was living in Abbotsford still. All I wanted was to marry The Marine. I still had my beautiful car, which I miss so much now and wish I had never got rid of it.

I know all this reminiscing is supposed to make me feel better, and if it had been almost any other Christmas, I'm sure it would have been happy, but this one makes me depressed as it was the last time I remember being happy before The Marine and I broke up a couple months later. Things weren't great, but I had a lot of hope for the future at this time. Unfortunately, it all came to naught, but that's life. I'm mostly happy where I am currently, as I'm becoming what I want to be. I'm sick of school, but I'm happy to be moving towards becoming a teacher. And I'm also extremely happy that I am going to be home in 17 days as I can't wait to be done school and not have to worry about it.

Anyways, that was a bit more depressing than it was supposed to be, lol. On the bright side, I'll be home soon, and that's what's keeping me going right now :)